The TightRope - copyright by Lillian Newman July,2007
The carnival was in town. It was a place my parents took me to that made
me smile, and even to this day, I can recall the clowns honking their
noses,
running around with super
huge shoes. It was a wonder they didn't trip all
over themselves. I still remember the taste of caramel popcorn and that
super sugary cotton candy. I recall the warm summer breeze and feeling
sleepy from all the noise, leaning against my dad, nodding
off, but then
waking up. Don't
go to sleep just yet!
She walked out on the tightrope, perfectly
posed, and tiptoed all the way
across
it, perfectly. The crowd clapped with enthusiasm and cheered. The
circus set loose a plethora of clowns to run around and shake everyone's
hands.
That
night, I dreamt of the circus. I dreamt that I was the tightrope
walker. No matter how many times I begin to walk out on the tightrope, I
would stumble and fall. I felt like a failure. I couldn't
walk the
tightrope. Couldn't
get across and I would not get the audience's applause
for me.
The next part of my dream was not in a circus
setting. It was in a field of
flowers.
Simple flowers, not those elegant kinds of flowers that cost a
whole lot of money. These were simple sunflowers. I was sitting in this
field and talking to God.
He told me "You will become focused if you try". I replied that I couldn't
even walk across a tightrope. How could I be
agile? I was a clutz.
God told me, "I didn't put the tightrope
there. Man did. You do not prove
yourself
by walking on the tightropes of this life to audience applause, to
look good. You only keep trying. That is all I expect."
"God, you created the circus and the tightrope so that was your idea." I
said.
He said to me" I did not put the tightrope there. I will not make you walk
the tightrope, dear."
Instead, I walked with God across an open field. As far as I could see,
there were beautiful flowers. There was no tightrope to walk on. I did
not lose my balance. God did not give me a tightrope. He gave
me a field of
lilies.
Thank you God, for second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh chances.
Thank you for loving me even though I am not adept enough
to walk a tight
rope. You are
right. You didn't make them, and I don't need to perform, to
win your love.
Amen.
