Let me begin by saying that Peggy is one of the strongest women I have ever known, she does not back down in the face of adversity. I don't think either one of us could have made it down this long rough road to HELL and back without each other. I love her more and more each day and am so proud of her for doing everything she can to fight back at the CESSPOOL called the Catholic Church.

If someone would have told me 4 years ago that my life would take a complete spill into a world of lies, deceit, corruption, cover-up, double talk, reverse accusations, forgetfullness, back stabbing, hate and pure bullshit, all from the Catholic Church, more specifically the Diosece of Wichita, I would have looked at them and said, "your crazy". I converted the year before Peggy and I got married in 1993, I knew her faith was very important to her and I wanted to share that with her and raise our kids in the "one true faith." Ha Ha!! If I only knew! Coming from a family that didn't attend church, it felt good to be apart of something as big and grand as the Catholic Church, especially with the woman I loved and was going to spend the rest of my life with. But as a popular children's rhyme goes "along came a spider and sat down beside her, "NICHOLAS VOELKER did just that!

It's amazing through all of this the people we have talked to and met and everyone says he sounds just like my abuser. WOW!!! So there are guys like Voelker everywhere, that is scary. He came into our life and caused a tsunami that still to this day washes over us and at times feels like it won't let go. It has gotten better, much better since everything went down, but I don't think we will ever be able to say we are fully healed from it all, Voelker and the Wichita Diocese caused a scab in our life that won't ever completely heal. There are those that still drink the "KOOL-AID" and don't believe us or don't understand why we choose not to continue to attend the "GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH" the Catholic Mass, as I like to call it, since it is one big CIRCUS. That's fine for them not to believe or understand it, because I wouldn't wish on anyone what happened to us. But if it ever does we will be there to comfort them and let them know they are not alone. For someone to say "I don't beleive that a MAN of GOD would do this" can't wrap their mind around the devastation when a "Priest" abuses his position and sexual assaults a child, man or woman, in Peggy's case a women who loved her faith and parish very much.

Voelker (I refuse to call him "father", he is more like a 2 year old wanting attention.) came into our lives at our parish, where Peggy had been a member since it began 20 years ago, where I converted, where we were married, where our children went to school, where we volunteered our time, talent and treasure, ST. ELIZABETH ANN SETON parish on the west side of Wichita, KS. He had been assigned as the associate pastor right out of seminary and approached us to help him with engaged couples that were to be married by him. This was no problem for Peggy and me, we had been helping our head pastor James Billinger who recommended us to Voelker. The idea was for us to invite these couples into to our home and discuss what to expect once married, you know the kids running around under foot, the bills, Natural Family Planning, the daily struggles of marriage. Like I said no problem, until Voelker started dropping by to discuss how we thought the couples were doing. It became an every Saturday night thing and sometimes once or twice through the week. When he came to our home he would stay for hours on end sometimes until 2 a.m.. It was actually nice at first, we would talk about our faith and he would educate us on the teachings of the church. We felt blessed to have a priest in our lives, but then over time it became weird, he would tell us that we were is family now and that we were his refuge from the horrible people at SEAS, all the needy, whiny parishoners that all they ever did was need him to unlock a door or do this for them or that for them. How Billinger and his minions drove him crazy and that Billinger was on a power trip and on and on and on. We were little perplexed at all of this because we never heard of Billinger doing anything to upset anyone, when he talks at times it is barely above a whisper. But we were drawn into his lies and self pity because he was wearing a cassock and a collar and we were living the catholic way of life, don't question the priest, he is "chosen" as a man of God. In the end we would learn that Billinger was a company man all the way, one of boys who would protect the image of the church so as not to rock the boat for the other paying customers, I mean parishoners.

Voelker seemed normal for the first 6-8 months, quirky, but what priest isn't? But as time went on he would just go over and over the same things in our conversations. "Why do you guys love me so much?", "Do you think I would have made a good husband and father?", "I should have been promoted as a head pastor right out of semenary, don't you think?" I had a terrible childhood because of my alcoholic father", come to find out his dad was a recovering alcoholic for over 30 years. We would catch him in other lies as time went on. Every conversation revolved around him and his woes. We put up with his shit because he was a "priest", and he would always go back to how we were his family now, he didn't need anyone else in his life, Peggy was his "spiritual wife" and I his "brother". Those things should have been big red flags for us but he is such a talker, his mouth never stopped. He would say something and we would think "Huh" and then he went on BLAH BLAH BLAH, "Huh" BLAH BLAH BLAH "What" NON-STOP!!! No time to process what came out of his mouth. He would cuss in front of us, his excuse was that while he was with his "family" he could, plus "priests" are human too, but then on the other hand he expected people to put him up on a pedestal and worship him because only he could administer the sacraments. I could administer the sacraments too, all I would need is a sequined gown and a clown hat, I doubt I could get paid what the church does for their show, no one would pay me 10% of there income to "make the KOOL-AID and pull the wool over their eyes".
 
I've said this many times before, if he did not have that collar on, Peggy and I would have booted him out of lives early on. He is a hint dropper also, things he wanted, repeated over and over. He never paid for anything. We went to dinner many times with him and he would avoid the bill like the plague. He went on vacation with us and said he would send us a check for food and a boat we rented, well we're still waiting.
 
He USED and ABUSED us, he played mind games to get what he wanted, and sexually assaulted my wife and my 7 year old daughter witnessed it. HE IS A PREDATOR AND SHOULD NOT BE A PRIEST! He knew what he was doing all along and will do it again to someone else. He should just walk away from being a priest before he hurts someone else and just turn himself in at the nearst police station and "CONFESS" all of his sins there instead of to one of his "brother" priests.

Voelker assaulted Peggy twice, something alot of people say "what? twice? why didn't you say something the first time". After the first assault she didn't tell me because he begged her not to and promised it would never happen again. She believed the "priest", and she was in such shock and disbelief that she thought she could handle it on her own and maybe it was her fault, CLASSIC victim thought process. The second assault happened while we were on vacation (this is the one my daughter witnessed). We had a 6 hour drive ahead of us. Peggy didn't tell me until we got home, she wanted us to make it home safe with the kids. She didn't know our daughter had witnessed him pulling her to him and humping himself on her. She held it in for two months before she told us what she saw. Poor girl wasn't sleeping trying to understand what she witnessed.

As soon as Peggy told me, the shit really started to hit the fan. We contacted the church and they sat on their hands until Peggy got a "Protection From Abuse" order against Voelker, and then the first phone call we get from the Diocese is from their lawyer. I knew right then and there we were up against the wall and would have to fight our way out. There is no compassion for victims when they tell the church, they turn it around on them and hope that by doing so they will just fold under the pressure. We met with the Diocese twice. The second time with the newly appointed Bishop Michael Jackels. Of course he tried turning it around on Peggy and me saying that she "went against her marriage vows" with Voelker, and that Voelker was a "man, he sinned and that's what we have confession for". And "if Voelker had really done these things we were saying, why hadn't I punched him". It was an amazing site to sit in front of him and see how he talked out of both sides of his mouth. He said he could not give us any money for therapy because he didn't know if we would take off to Vegas! Peggy was 7 months pregnant at the time with our fifth child. We were taking our chances by going into the Jackel's den without our lawyer, but at the time we were desperate to have Voelker removed permanently and thought the bishop would have a compassionate ear and heart. He ended up being one of most evil persons I have ever met. No compassion, no sympathy. He reminded me of a CEO of a large corporation protecting his ASSests. He said if we would write out an itemized list of what we needed, he might be able to help us, "out of charity". We left the meeting and I told Peggy and our lawyer that I wasn't going to give the bishop "shit". We met with him and told him our needs and he wanted to drag things out even more.
 
They did send Voelker away for "treatment" during all of this, but that ended up being other one of their lies. He was sent to St. Louis in an out-patient treatment program, we were under the impression he was in intensive in-patient therapy. Come to find out many dioceses send their problems to this church in St. Louis, St. Ambrose. Apparently the head pastor there has no idea that he is harboring predators, yeah right, the parishoners certainly don't know. In our case they thought Voelker was there taking classes at St. Louis University. Slowly it is being exposed that they are sent there to hide until the heat dies off around the crimes they commit.
 
Our children never went back to SEAS after our meeting with the bishop with 6 weeks left in the school year. Our pastor called us the next morning after the meeting (he went with us )and said he hadn't slept that night, just like us. Yes the meeting with the bishop was that bad. A month later they offered us money for therapy and expenses we had while Voelker was in our life . We settled and a month after everything was signed, Voelker was back at his parish that he had been moved to through all of this. He even got a promotion for abusing my family, he is now the head pastor. I guess that's how you move up within the catholic church, dirty your knees when your around the bishops and take the lessons they teach you and apply them to your parishoners, instant promotion.

Through all of this we have lost friends, family and our faith, but on the other side we have gained much. We've made new friends, made stronger bonds with some family. We are still struggling with our faith, Peggy more so than me. As a "cradle catholic" the church was so ingrained in her that she misses it at times, but I doubt she would ever go back because of the horror stories we have heard about other people's abuse within the church and the church's lack of caring. Almost every one of them have a story about a non-caring bishop who sat there and revictimized them, by doing nothing to protect the public and continued to harbor the predator. They are all the same, they have abused their way to their postion and know how to lie, hide, cover-up and ignore.
 
Voelker was right out of seminary and did this, all of the therapist we've talked to say that he has probably done this before, you don't get this good the first time out, and will do it again. Him being in the position of "priest" just makes it easier for him to manipulate people so he can rub is erection on them and cum in his pants and remain the "celibate" priest on the pedestal for everyone to look up at and wonder, what did Voelker spill on his lap. SICK bastard!

Peggy would beg me to drive the hour and half to his parish and beat the shit out of him, believe me I wanted to, but I knew if I would see him and could get my hands on him, that Peggy and the kids would have to go a lifetime with me sitting in prison for murder, and they need me, and I need them more than the devil needs other soul to torture right now. I believe Voelker will get his one day, he will pay for what he did to us and for what he has done to others. Hell will welcome him and the bishop soon enough.